#96: Live a Story Worth Telling w/ Gregory Russell Benedikt

Sri and Gregory Russell Benedikt talk about how to find your true calling and follow through on action. 

They also discuss romantic relationships, life after finance, and whether Sri should be a Civil-War reenactor. 

Gregory is a life and leadership coach who has helped over 170 clients feel alive again. 

📌 FEELING STUCK?

LIMITED TIME: Book a free clarity call with Sri to get your priorities in order and start getting unstuck.

📩 Get free elite performance tools weekly through the Warrior Poet newsletter 👉 join ✅

_____

Follow Sri for elite leadership tips:
➡️ LinkedIn.com/in/andrewsridhar

Connect on Instagram: @sri_the_warrior_poet + @sri_actually

Intro and/or outro music in most episodes is by Paul Sridhar. 🎧

Disclaimer: Any audio clips are included with every intent and steps taken to abide by Fair Use and serve the purpose(s) of illustration, education, augmentation, or promotion of source content.

Transcript

Gregory Benedikt (00:00.162)
Let's get the headphones on.

Andrew (00:02.176)
Okay, okay, you don't have to if you don't want to. I just do it for the echo potentially. I mean, I can remove that in post, but I just like it. No, no, but your mic will pick up my voice. Granted, Riverside will, if I use the magic audio, it'll pull it out a little bit and stuff like that. anyway. Okay, okay, I was gonna say your mic has presence.

Gregory Benedikt (00:11.958)
Was I echoing?

Gregory Benedikt (00:25.58)
Headphones are good for me.

Andrew (00:31.17)
Like, you know, like my mic is a good mic. I think it was recommended by Tim Ferriss like ages ago for any podcast nerds out there. By the way, we are recording already, Gregory. But the it's the Sampson Q2U. And I think it's a good mic. People have told me I sound good, but like your mic has is good for video. Like mine just looks like something you would pick up at like the church choir or something, you know.

Gregory Benedikt (00:41.794)
Cool, great.

Gregory Benedikt (01:00.31)
Yes sir, I got the SM7B.

Andrew (01:04.238)
Okay, okay, that even sounds better. I don't even know what that is, but it sounds better. Cool, yeah, maybe I need to upgrade. Awesome, man, sorry about all the difficulties with the audio visual. I'll have to fire that guy. But how are you doing?

Gregory Benedikt (01:07.394)
Yeah.

Gregory Benedikt (01:20.834)
No worries. Good man, doing great. Excited for this conversation.

Andrew (01:25.314)
Good. Yeah, yeah, same. So perhaps obviously, well, some people like to do intros like live. I like doing it just in post. Although, although I was just thinking, like I wasn't ready with yours necessarily. I mean, know about you, but I wasn't ready to do your intro, but I was just thinking to myself, I'm like, the people who do it live, I think they actually have the better workflow. Cause like,

If I edit this in a week or two, or maybe a couple months from now if I've got a big buffer, like, it's just kind of a pain going back to record. It's just nice to just have it all in the thing and just like, ship it off to the team, you know, and they'll get to work, you know, they'll get crankin'.

Gregory Benedikt (02:10.498)
Do you have a team who does it for you? Another do I? I also can do my own intro if that's easier.

Andrew (02:12.394)
No, I don't. I don't. In my mind I do.

Gregory Benedikt (02:21.11)
I can just like say like this is who I am and what I do, but totally up to you.

Andrew (02:25.708)
It's okay, won't make you go through that. I mean, I'm guessing you can do that pretty well, given you're But we can skip that, it's not that kind of interview. Cool man, well we got, for everyone out there listening instead of watching on video, Gregory is bringing his mustache power, as he likes to claim, and I like to say the beard here gives me wisdom.

So, and I was in a, we'll get to serious questions here in a second, Greg, but back when like beard shops were all the rage and also people went to malls, like both those things had to be true. And so I was relatively new to facial hair, because I'd been in military for a while and my kids were used to me without it and all the things. And,

Yeah, walk in the shop. have no idea what I'm doing. Like this guy just kind of points me to the most expensive stuff in the store as far as beard balm, beard oil, like all these, I had no idea what was going on. But anyway, it was this, it was this, the first thing I smelled was called Wisdom. And I smelled it and I turned around and I'm like, that smells like wisdom. And the guy didn't even acknowledge me. And it like, it stuck to me to this day. It wasn't even like a whatever man.

or an eye roll just didn't even acknowledge me. And so it's weird how little things stick with you, but I make my own now. I'm like Ron Swanson, so who had the last laugh?

Gregory Benedikt (03:55.01)
Wow.

Gregory Benedikt (04:04.116)
It's great, mean obviously you, I literally cannot imagine you without a beard, because I've only known you with a beard, and it's so interesting how facial hair kind of just changes the face. My girlfriend has never seen me without a mustache, and we've been dating for over two years.

Andrew (04:17.218)
Well, that was actually gonna be one of my questions for you. Is, like how long have you had it and is she cool with it? It sounds like she is, because that's literally how she met you, right?

Gregory Benedikt (04:29.792)
Yeah, so I've had it for literally probably two and a half months before I started dating her. I started growing this mustache as a joke. It was definitely an ironic mustache for a while. And it's funny. It's so funny how the universe works. I started growing it as a symbolic gesture of me being closed to dating. I was like, I'm closed for business. I'm going to focus on my own business and my life and all this stuff. Cause I was really sick of, tried to use some dating apps and I just hated how it made me feel.

It was like shopping for people and it was terrible. And grew the mustache, end up meeting my girlfriend who loves mustaches and she's never seen me without it.

Andrew (05:11.502)
That's cool. I know that women break on the like the beard line also mustaches presumably but it feels like it it's I mean at least in the 2020s and I'll say at least in like the West I'm guessing the fraction of women who break pro mustache is Probably a little smaller right or am I wrong?

Gregory Benedikt (05:37.58)
I don't know, mustaches are kinda in right now, Andrew. And I'm looking at you, I'm looking at that big beautiful beard you have and I see a great mustache in there.

Andrew (05:41.026)
Maybe I'm too old.

Andrew (05:45.583)
Maybe, I mean there is one. I have a picture from one of my SEAL deployments that I'll post somewhere sometime. interesting. I think I'm too old now. Because it's just like, it's not remotely ironic at my age. It's just, you either look like some sort of like, I don't know, Civil War reenactor or a creepy guy, I think.

Gregory Benedikt (06:09.955)
The Civil War reenactor, that's good. I'm seeing that. I could definitely see you there with one of those little hats.

Andrew (06:16.398)
like a half-Indian Civil War-ian actor with some like crazy backstory and as a side character in some like other you know thing where there's stereotypical white people playing the parts and and some black people who are playing parts you know that are dramatic but also beneath them historically. Okay cool yeah sorry please

Gregory Benedikt (06:37.122)
Let's give it one last comment since we're just gonna keep going with this joke. It's like the forgotten soldier who somehow like survived in the woods after a battle for three years and was just killing people with his bare hands.

Andrew (06:50.638)
I like that. like that. Well, I mean, if we haven't alienated everybody by now, like the people who are left are hardcore. So I'm just going to double down a little bit, which is have you heard the story? I should know the name. If I'm going to tell the story, I need to know the name. So I'll do my research people. And next time I tell the story, I'll bring my A game. But there was a Japanese soldier.

on a remote island, think maybe in the Philippines, right? You can correct me. You're nodding your head. So you can correct me on the the details that I mess up here. And just like for a decade or more after World War Two ended, like he was just all by himself. I think he I think he had like one or two compatriots and maybe they died or maybe they just like decided it was over and walked into civilization. But he was just so hardcore and wouldn't believe that it was it was over and just like kept

harassing / killing locals every now and then and surviving off the land. it like, it's such a crazy story. I think he eventually did go back to Japan, but just like, and they treated him as a hero, I think, but like, he didn't fit in the society very well after the fame wore off. How did I do?

Gregory Benedikt (08:05.74)
You did great. I too don't know the name of the story, but I've heard it. And the piece I remember is that he had no idea the world, he had no idea the war was over and he wouldn't believe that it was. He kept seeing like the newspapers saying the war is over and he's like, no, it's just propaganda. Like they're just trying to trick us. And he had just gone off the deep end.

Andrew (08:19.98)
Right. Right. It's funny. So, okay. So that's a factoid that I had, like, that has always stuck with me. He keeps seeing the newspapers. Like, is he, walking into cafes just and, like, you know, sitting down reading a paper and then going back out to the woods? Like, where is he seeing these papers, these newspapers? Like, he must be going into town. Like, I don't know. All right. Well...

If you could stick with me on the completely non-work related stuff, because it's, let's be honest, it's more interesting than most of the other stuff work related. So, the...

How did you put it? Like the open to work in LinkedIn. Like I've come up with a sign. I've got a point here. I'm going to create an image that says hashtag nopen to work in terms of like, I feel like there's something about cementing your identity in a new thing, not being open to working with other people as one example for people like yourself and myself.

But you are not open to dating. So like, I was actually talking to a buddy the other day about this exact thing that I admire a bunch of young people who aren't married. They're not in a monogamous relationship, yet they consciously decide, you know what, like, I'm not really looking right now. I'm gonna focus on myself and, you know, building my business and...

blah blah. Like, that may work for some people. I don't know if it's DNA or what. Like, I can't imagine just deciding to opt out for like a couple years. Like, but people do. So explain it to us.

Gregory Benedikt (10:18.082)
Yeah. So there's, I think a good energy behind some of this and a bad energy as many things. There's this whole idea of going monk mode, which is where you just focus on yourself and growing kind of who you are as a person, especially if you're a man, like trying to become more of a man, especially as you shift from the early to mid twenties to your later twenties. And it's really focused on self-improvement, self-discipline, just kind of getting your shit together.

as you move into your late 20s and early 30s. And I think that piece is good. A lot of people get stuck. So a lot of people kind of go into monk mode and they're like, wow, this is great. I don't have to think about anyone else besides myself. I have all this free time. I'm just in my metaphorical cave meditating and they kind of get stuck there. And then they forget that the whole point that they went into monk mode was to better themselves so that they could come out either with a business or being the type of person who's ready for a partner. So for me, I went into it for a bit.

And one thing that comes up for me is that I would have rather, I was more okay with being by myself for a time than being in a relationship that I wasn't super excited about, which is hard at times. Like loneliness was definitely part of the chapter, but I was again, more comfortable being lonely, knowing that I was getting ready for something in the future than to just be in something that I was like, I don't love this. I don't love this other person, but I'm just kind of here because it's convenient.

Andrew (11:47.287)
You said it almost like that was the negative side, maybe. Was a little bit of that a rationalization for some reason?

Gregory Benedikt (11:58.668)
For sure, probably. Yeah, I had a bad relationship before that. So I was probably like, man, we're not doing that again for a while.

Andrew (12:05.486)
Yeah, yeah, got it, got it. Cool, so I noticed that you, in all of your social media, which I once heard a guy on a podcast call him his social needs, and I just thought that was kind of hysterical. And I mean, he said it in jest. Like, I thought for sure it would catch on, but like, we're all still saying social media or socials, like, but I don't know.

For your social needs, you're Gregory Russell Benedict. You're very intentional about that, I think. Give us the Russell story. Russell's kind of your brand, if you will. You see what I did there? No? That's okay.

Gregory Benedikt (12:47.36)
Yeah, so it's great. I love what you're doing here. It's beautiful. It's master. I'm just getting lost in the beard to be honest.

Andrew (12:53.454)
Thanks for vocalizing the eye rolls for everyone listening right now. I appreciate it. I'm little too self-indulgent right now, but yeah, go ahead.

Gregory Benedikt (13:05.858)
So it started as an intentional shift. I went by Greg for all of my life. And when I quit my job in finance back in 2020 and kind of burnt my entire life to the ground and reinvented myself, I wanted something to signify that. And the easiest thing was just, okay, I'm going to stop going by Greg. I'm going to start going by Gregory. And then Gregory Russell Benedict is a cool sounding name. So I was like, I'm going to bring the full name into it. And back in the day, the business partner I was working with, we were really big. We're still big on it.

authenticity and it was like what if we put our full name it's kind of like we're putting our full selves out there we're showing the world all of us that's the cool version of the story the less cool version is when it's crowded and I introduce myself as Greg sometimes people think my name is Craig and that's a big no-go for me

Andrew (13:55.023)
I'm imagining you not just saying Gregory, I'm imagining you introducing yourself all the time as Gregory Russell. Which is also, and I also love how you owned it. I think this is like a little mini lesson, little teachable moment as a former president once used to call it. Like, you weren't like, like Gregory Russell Benedict is a freaking cool name. And you weren't bashful about that. It's great.

Gregory Benedikt (14:04.543)
No, just Gregory.

Andrew (14:24.298)
So like one of the reasons I was really excited for this chat, Greg, Gregory Russell, is your emphasis on boldness. And so your Ted X is on that, which is great. We'll put a link in the show notes. And you just did that recently before recording here. But I think I want to start before that, which is how did you start your journey in boldness before?

the story you tell on stage.

Gregory Benedikt (14:56.81)
great question. And the beginning of the story was not bold. Well, there were bold parts, but before the bold came a lot of pain and a lot of sadness. And don't don't think this is some sort of sob story. Like my life was objectively super great, but subjectively did not feel very fulfilling. And it really all starts I always tell people it all starts in around 2020 when I was about to turn 25. I learned about the top regrets of the dying.

There's this wonderful book, the top five regrets of the dying by Bronnie Ware. And for those of you who don't know, most of you have probably heard about this, but she's a palliative care nurse and she had worked with over 500 patients, rather sit with 500 patients on their death bed, asking them, hey, reflect on your life. I'd love to learn more. Is there anything you regret? And it turns out that nearly every single person had regrets and they were so similar. She kept hearing the same thing over and over again.

that she compiled them into top five. And the number one regret people have at the end of their life is, I wish I would have had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me. And when I heard this, I was 24 again, about to be 25. And it just punched me in the face because I realized that my entire life from the job I was working, I was working in finance to how I was showing up in the world. I was still partying a lot, still trying to pretend I was in college. Not because I wanted to, I actually hated drinking.

but my friends loved Party Greg because I was fun, I was social, was gregarious. And it punched me in the face because I realized I was living my whole life based on what I thought other people wanted and what they expected of me. And that led me into about a six month period where I was lost for sure. I was spiraling, I was trying to figure out what I wanted, I was trying to muster up the courage to do something.

And that culminated in me quitting my job in finance in June of 2020 with absolutely zero game plan and taking a bold action for the first time in my life, but really trusting in the universe and stepping into the unknown for the first time in my life. And so many beautiful things happened after that.

Andrew (17:08.686)
I have a zillion more questions and I'm already thinking that we might need to do a part two. because I want to dive in here.

Congrats on taking that bold action, which by the way, I don't know if we talked about this before offline, but what were you doing in finance? Because I was a former finance guy as well.

Gregory Benedikt (17:30.422)
I was working at a private equity real estate investment fund and we invested in a super sexy asset class which is grocery anchored shopping centers.

Andrew (17:40.559)
Nice. I've got some grocery experiences too, but that's digressing. For people who are maybe in that position where maybe this is hitting them in the face, like the Regrets of the Dying did for you.

Gregory Benedikt (17:43.296)
I just rocketed out of bed every morning to think about the grocery centers.

Andrew (18:08.568)
quitting is one way to take a bold action. Is it fair to think of it like there's kind of the taking away and the adding. So you can stop, start, continue things in the terms, in kind of the business parlance if you're giving someone a review. So the stopping for some people is really hard, for other people who aren't necessarily risk averse, like the stopping might be easier.

which may lead to people bouncing around between jobs or what like. So how do you think about the start stop continue looking at your decisions then and what you recommend to people whether they be friends or your clients?

Gregory Benedikt (18:57.634)
It's such a good question because what I did then is not necessarily what I would recommend now because it was an absolute roller coaster. I was in a position at 25 where I had saved up a bunch of money. I knew this was something I wanted to do. I wanted to my job. So I had a financial cushion. also wasn't in a relationship, didn't have kids, didn't have a mortgage. So it gave me this really privileged position to be able to completely burn my life to the ground and start over.

So it depends who I'm talking to, but when I give kind of a general answer, it's usually, yes, you can burn the ships and light everything on fire and hurl yourself into the abyss head first. when you take a look your life and all the things you have in it, it might be a more real realistic, like a, I actually don't like that I just said realistic because I think that's a terrible word. Nothing, nothing good that has happened in my life has been realistic. So let me take that back.

and say, when you just take a look at your life and you look at all the options, it might make sense to slowly add more as you stop doing some of the things that are sucking your soul away. So long answer, maybe stop some things, start some other things and continue is probably where I'm most certain of, continue doing the things that spark something inside of you. I'm a huge believer that that inner voice, inner guidance, Viktor Frankl called it your conscience.

you have to listen to what that little voice inside is telling you because that is gonna lead you to where you're supposed to go. And if you don't listen to that voice, that's when things like depression, anxiety, just a malaise of your life starts to show up.

Andrew (20:44.248)
How do people start to listen to that little voice a little more?

Gregory Benedikt (20:48.534)
man, it's tough. You definitely have to quiet the mind. And there's also probably multiple voices. If you're like myself, there's the really, really, really quiet inner voice that's guiding you. And then there's the extremely loud inner critic that's yelling at you, telling you that you aren't good enough. You haven't done enough. You need to work more that you are your achievements, which is so false. So it's different for everyone, but if you can create any sort of space again, I'm not going to tell you to go.

sit in a cave in the Himalayas and meditate. But if you can just create any space in your life to not constantly be doing and achieving, and maybe this is a Saturday morning for an hour, maybe it's a Sunday evening when you're trying to avoid the Sunday scaries, just a little moment to journal, sit with yourself. Maybe you try meditating. I know that's hard for some people. For me, meditation has been a huge part of it, but it's any sort of little piece of

slowing down you can get. Again, maybe it's a hike. Maybe it's a workout without headphones, as terrible as that sounds.

Andrew (21:57.377)
Yeah. I used to, on when I was on the ship before, getting accepted to transfer over to the seal teams. I mean, technically you're not transferring the seal teams, you're transferring to buds, which is training. And then, then maybe you get to the seal teams, but, I used to run, at home all the time without headphones. I refused to wear headphones because I was like, not less out of a meditative aspect, but more like, you know what?

I'm not going to have headphones when I'm on the beach and I'm cold and wet and sandy. Like I can't I can't rely on artificial motivation then. But your points about quiet in the mind are huge. And I tell people time meditation changed my life. And I think that there's resistance to meditation. And. A lot of that is is probably valid in just different strokes for different folks. But I think a lot of that is just based on

kind of that inner critic or just restlessness, right? So you're resistant to meditation because you need meditation so badly. And then the other is like, well, I look stupid here. Who am I? Some yogi with my legs crossed listening to this soft voice in the background tell me these hokey things to do, like imagine a ray of sunshine going from my head to my toe. It sounds stupid as I say it, right? But...

For me, it was also a game changer.

Gregory Benedikt (23:30.102)
Yeah. And if I can just jump in on that, think, I think running without headphones is like one of the most accessible things that will help in one way or another. That will help whether it's just processing through all of the stuff going on in your life that's stressing you out, or it's just again, having kind of a pause of not having constant input coming into the brain. So I think that's a really accessible first step. And if you are willing to try meditation, you, you literally can't get it wrong. Like that's the thing most people, that's the thing most people get wrong.

Andrew (23:31.981)
Yeah, please.

Gregory Benedikt (23:59.392)
As I say that you can't get it wrong is that it has to be some type of way. What I do is I literally just sit and I sit in a chair. Now I sit on the ground. Sometimes it really doesn't matter and just set a timer for 10 minutes and just be quiet. And if I'm thinking the whole time, fine. If I drop into a meditative enlightened state and I'm floating by the end of it, that's also great, but you can't get it wrong and you don't have to be in a perfect lotus position. You really just.

make the intention to sit down for those 10 minutes. And of course it's going to feel uncomfortable and you're going to feel restless at the beginning because most of us in the modern world are just constantly doing from thing to thing to thing to thing. So of course it's going to feel uncomfortable. If it feels uncomfortable, you're doing it perfectly right.

Andrew (24:48.046)
love that, I love that. So many good thoughts there, Greg. One is walking is...

Recommended by tons of people for obvious reasons. It's healthy You know, hopefully you're off screens or and and I would I would even say off off audio Even though this is a podcast I tried I try not to listen to podcasts when I'm when I'm hiking it, you know or walking around the neighborhood But I but I think actually like the advice is missing something and I was telling a client the other day Because he's trying it he's trying to get

you know, to his best physical fitness and among other things, his workout regimen, he's doing at least 10,000 steps a day. And I'm like, man, like, how about take off like 4,000 steps and do a 20 minute hit run or something like that, right? So like the high intensity, I think for some people less physical, more mental to your points. Like for me, sometimes I'm still thinking too much. I'm in these doom loops when I walk.

And so for high energy people or high anxiety people or whatever, like maybe you just need to like go harder, like a little bit harder, not even 80%, right? But just like even a little jog and that as a previous guest, Will Clydon said on the podcast, the science shows that the more you work out, let's just say get out of breath for shorthand.

the more your fear response gets diminished. And I think that allows you to actually have some clarity.

Gregory Benedikt (26:33.218)
Hmm.

Gregory Benedikt (26:37.654)
That's super interesting you say that because at the beginning of my journey, I got really into hard physical challenges. Like I've done David Goggins four by four by 48, where you run four hours every, you run four miles every four hours for 48 hours straight. And I did some other things and it's interesting that you say that because when you come back, this has been my experience. When I've come back to my life after giving everything and more to a challenge and I'm completely exhausted and depleted.

I come back to my life and I say, I didn't think I could do that and I was able to, like what else is possible? It's almost like I have no energy left to think about obstacles. I'm just like, that sounds cool. Let me try and do that.

Andrew (27:20.748)
Yeah. Yeah. No, that's, that's great.

Andrew (27:28.046)
Sorry, I'm blanking here. There was another great thought you had earlier. yeah, going back to the point you made around the advice you would give yourself now, or that you give clients, isn't necessarily what you did. Are there certain types of people where, due to their personality, they need that sharper...

burn the ships sort of action. when what, how can someone know that's them?

Gregory Benedikt (28:05.354)
Yeah. So first thing I'll say is that I actually don't end up giving any advice. It's working with people across time to ask a lot of questions, to figure out what is the right option for them. So for someone who it gets revealed that they need a little kick in the ass, they need a little burn the ships momentum. The, if I have to kind of give broad

broad stroke advice, which I wouldn't do if I'm working one-on-one with a session, but this is a little different because we're broadcasting and I know everything, which is what's a way that you can make it fun, playful, a bit outrageous in a good way, where it can be like this small test that really like gets you going. So one thing that I teach all of my clients is something called a commitment device, which is an action that you can take in the present moment to lock in your desired future outcome.

So let's say that they keep talking about signing up for a marathon and they never do it and they're all talk. I would be like, okay, what if you sign up right now? It's non-refundable. You text 10 of your friends saying, Hey, I'm running this marathon on May 31st. And if I don't finish it, I'm going to Venmo you each a hundred dollars or something like that. So it's a way to do a little experiment to kind of lock yourself in. And I know that marathon example is a lot less serious and like,

quitting a job or trying a new career, but you can use that tool of a commitment device to, air quotes, burn the ships in a small way where if you get it wrong and you actually burn yourself instead of the ships, you're gonna be okay.

Andrew (29:46.265)
Yeah, yeah. I think I don't wanna project here and say this is what you were experiencing necessarily in your finance job when you talked about rocking in a bed to do grocery anchored retail space or however you described it.

But I think for some people, the toxicity and misery they are feeling every day exhausts them and depletes them so much that investing on the side for a marathon or a new business or whatever like is almost like you don't have the psychological foundation and you don't have the physical energy necessarily to do it. Maybe I'm making excuses for people.

which I usually am not in habit of doing, but also humans are humans and people have certain situations that maybe do require them to make it more drastic change. Is that fair?

Gregory Benedikt (30:49.62)
It's so fair and I'm so glad you bring this up because that was my experience and it's the experience of many clients I work with. When you get done with your eight to 11 hours of absolutely mind numbing, soul sucking work, you do not have the energy or the capacity or the will to go work on your side hustle or start moonlighting. Like you hear all of this advice and kind of the hustle culture.

realm that's like, yeah, just wake up early, work on it before work, work on it after work, work on it over the weekend. And for me, at least like this was such a existential battle with what am I doing? I feel like I'm capable of more. Every time I go into work, I feel like a failure because I'm not having the courage to do anything about it. I had no energy outside of it. So that's why I say

I'm super grateful. I took the path I took with just burning the ships because I needed to do that. I had no other option, but it's really hard because there's so much uncertainty. kind of have to plan and have some financial runway. and I wish I could have done the side hustle and got it going on the side. And then, you know, when it's safe and comfortable, can close down one, one part of your life and open the other one. That's more exciting, but few people can do that. And if you can do that hats off, think maybe.

Maybe you can do that if what you're currently doing isn't a zero out of 10, maybe it's like a six out of 10 and you want to start doing something that's a 10 out of 10 and you kind of operating both at the same time is okay. Like you have the overall bandwidth and happiness to do that. But for me, I was just so burnt out. I was just a pile of ash and I needed to take some time to start over.

Andrew (32:40.302)
Yeah, and I mean, and for me, I was burned out for so many years and didn't even realize it. And yeah.

Gregory Benedikt (32:50.572)
Dude, wait, hold on, speaking about this, this is fun. This is the original book. I think, are we audio only?

Andrew (32:57.806)
No, we're video. Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

Gregory Benedikt (32:59.042)
Okay, great. Okay, so for the people watching, this is literally the original book written in 1983 that coined the term burnout. And it's super interesting reading about burnout from, you know, 50 years ago.

Andrew (33:13.41)
Right, right. That's crazy. actually, funny enough, like a week or two ago, I was just thinking about that. was like, who coined the term burnout? So now you've answered it, asked and answered. So if I think about, for me, it could be different for other people. Yeah. If I was, I don't know, lifeguarding, or if I was working

you know, bartending somewhere or something like that where I'm out and about amongst people and doing, you know, or doing some sort of craft. I don't mean like arts and crafts, but some sort of craft. Even if I had a manager who was a jerk, I feel like I would be fine. But when it's more corporate and it's supposed to be more intellectual, but it's

really insecure, fearful people who are managing other people and treating them like crap and also not giving very capable people enough room to be themselves, control their decisions, contribute ideas, do those things. All the politics, all that stuff is just so immensely draining for me. I'd rather do something where it's not

It's not this like poor facsimile of school where it's hypothetically about getting the right answers and a meritocracy, but it's actually not that at all. It's just like power games. So I don't know. I don't know if you have any reaction to that. I'm just, maybe I'm just ranting right now.

Gregory Benedikt (34:55.956)
I I do know I resonate with that so much. I, I'm so allergic to corporate politics and feeling like you can't show up as your authentic self. kind of alluded to it earlier, but authenticity is one of my top, top core values. And if I feel like I'm having to wear a mask again, I kind of lose it because I spent so much of my life feeling like I was trying to fit into a mold and

What comes up for me as you share that is this, this is why I love coaching so much is because it's so specific to the individual and there are no assumptions made. ask thousands of questions to really peel back the layers and figure out what is going to be the right path for them. For me, I worked at a great company. It was like a 50 person company, great culture, really cool people. Like two of my good friends worked there and they were on my team. So by all external metrics.

I had nothing to complain about. Like I should have been so happy and I wasn't, and that added to the guilt and the shame. And so I just want to open the lid on if you're listening to this and you're like, wow, I should be grateful that I even have a job or that my job isn't that bad. It's okay. If you're really struggling with it, because there's no, there's no reason to beat yourself up for feeling the way you feel. It might be.

misaligned in some way that you aren't cognizant of yet, it doesn't need to be like the absolute worst of the worst for you to feel like you're worthy of making a change, if that makes sense.

Andrew (36:32.162)
Yeah, totally. I think a common refrain people hear from family or friends is essentially, as you pointed out, it's like not just an inner voice, but it's an external voice looking at you, preferably probably one you respect saying, like, why can't you just be happy somewhere? Like, what's wrong with you? Which is pretty damaging. So thanks for empowering people.

Gregory Benedikt (36:51.51)
Yes. Yes.

Gregory Benedikt (37:00.022)
And that comes from the external for sure, because I talk about this all the time. Like your family wants the best for you and they love you. But especially if it's your parents, they're going to prioritize your security and financial wellbeing and your ability to kind of be a human on your own over your personal fulfillment and satisfaction. So that was something I had to realize is that my parents are optimizing for is Gregory going to be okay in the long run on his own versus I'm.

talking about things like, how's my soul? Like, am I going to be a shell of a human for the rest of my life or am I going to feel alive and fulfilled? And so we have that coming from external, but we also have it internal. There's this constant battle that I experienced and I've heard from a lot of other people and then I read it in a book once that just put it so perfectly. It's this constant battle between your head and your heart. It's your head saying, wow, I'm so grateful I have this job. The economy's bad, like.

Let's just grit down and get through it. And this is, this is at least I have a job. And then the heart is being like, no, and like the heart or the soul. It's like, no, I hate this. Like this isn't what I'm here to do. Like we need to make a change. And it's this constant kind of conflict and tension between the two. And it can be really confusing.

Andrew (38:17.006)
Yeah,

So that tension appears in a lot of places, but one is in the romantic realm. There's a desire there, but also a little bit of like fight or flight. And so can you tell us the story about how you met your wife?

Gregory Benedikt (38:42.658)
Yes, and she's just my girlfriend at the moment. I did, no, honestly, I think it has to do with me essentially writing a TED Talk about her that people think she's my wife. I've been getting that a lot on the internet recently.

Andrew (38:46.104)
Whoops, my bad.

Andrew (38:57.806)
I thought that. Totally thought that. And sorry, by the way, I will say, I tell you, my daughter, I showed my kids your speech, your TEDx, and then my daughter, like a few days later, a week later, showed me your girlfriend's post that came up in her feed of you on the screen, and it was a cute post, and a nice moment between my daughter and myself there.

Gregory Benedikt (38:59.466)
It makes sense.

Gregory Benedikt (39:22.454)
That's so cool. I appreciate you sharing it with them. So the story is I was sitting at a cafe. Again, this was, this was post mustache. So the mustache had been grown in order to signify to the world that I was not ready to date, but I was sitting at a cafe eating breakfast with a friend of mine. And for the first time in my life, I made eye contact with someone where I viscerally felt something.

Andrew (39:25.474)
Yeah, yeah.

Gregory Benedikt (39:50.358)
So I make eye contact with this woman across the room and I just like feel something in my gut, like this like little pulse of electricity shoot through me. I was like, whoa, like that's weird. I have to talk to her and I don't know why. And I don't really think about it too much because if I would have thought about it too much, I would have started panicking even more than I did. And I told myself, if she's still here, by the time I finish my breakfast, I'm gonna go over and say something to her.

She's still there when I finish. So I get my receipt and I flip it over and I wrote my name, just Gregory, and my phone number on the back of it. And then I stand up and walk across this cafe. And it's not a huge cafe, but there's like 30 people there eating breakfast, trying to enjoy their Saturday morning. And I walk up to her table and there's a man sitting across from her and a woman next to the man. So I wasn't necessarily getting boyfriend vibes. Now that I know the guy, shout out Kion.

They were not dating, it's just one of her really good friends from high school. And he's talking when I get to the table and I don't wanna just be an asshole and like talk over him at this mysterious girl. So I look at him and I'm like, hey man, so sorry, can I interrupt for a moment? And he thinks I work there, now that I've talked to him after. He thinks I'm a waiter being like, why are you guys still here? Because they'd been there for like two hours, just catching up. So he looks at me super confused and he's like, yeah.

Andrew (41:04.142)
You

Gregory Benedikt (41:14.912)
And then that's when I turned to my now girlfriend and I say, Hey, you're really cute, which means you probably have a boyfriend, but if you don't, here's my phone number. And at this point I'm half blacked out. I might've peed myself a little. We're not really sure. I don't really remember, but I, I slide the receipt across the table with my number on it. And she says, I don't have a boyfriend. And I smile. I turn around, I walk away and my buddy who

told me I should do it. He's like, yeah, you should definitely go talk to her, but I'm going to be outside because I can't watch this. So I go, I go meet up with him and I'm like, I did it. We'll see what happens. And she ended up texting me later that night. We went on our first date like four days later and it has been the best relationship of my life. It's, it's really felt magical in that I can't believe it worked. I can't believe she texted me. I can't believe that we are so compatible and that

We've actually built this wonderful relationship knowing that she was a stranger who was never at that cafe. She lived about 45 minutes south and was never up in North County, San Diego, where I was. We just so happened to cross paths that day.

Andrew (42:31.074)
Yeah, I love San Diego and I can picture cafes there so I'm transported right now. Beautiful story. Not that this matters that much but did your brother, sorry, did your buddy wanna wait outside because he was worried you were gonna crash and burn so bad or he didn't want the cringiness of watching his buddy hit on somebody else like so up close or yeah.

Gregory Benedikt (42:59.862)
Honestly, it's probably a mixture of both. I'll have to follow up with him and we can get the answer for part two. But I think with all of these kinds of things, with all of the bold actions I ended up taking after this, there's definitely a cringe factor and a secondhand embarrassment. You kind of want to distance yourself from it. So he was probably just like, that's great for you. Go for it. I'm going to be over here in case you do crash and burn.

Andrew (43:24.44)
Yeah. Yeah.

That's amazing. What would you have done if the guy was her boyfriend? How, yeah, I'm curious. How do you think about that? Do you ever have nightmares that he turns out to be her boyfriend?

Gregory Benedikt (43:44.684)
I don't have nightmares about it, but as I was walking over, I told myself, there's a non-zero chance that you get punched in the face here because this could be her boyfriend. But like I said, I wasn't getting boyfriend vibes and all of this was super intuitive. Like I had never done this before. The line of you're really cute, but you probably have a boyfriend. That just came to me, which turns out to be a really good line because it builds in and easy out.

Like all of that stuff happened so quickly that I feel like it was just this intuitive hit. So yes, I was a little worried that I might get punched in the face, but I wasn't super worried. And then last piece to the story that I left out was that just two nights before I came up with this kind of life mantra that I have, and I actually have it tattooed on my forearm now. And it's this idea of living a story worth telling.

which goes all the way back to the regret and having the courage to live a life true to yourself so that when you get to the end of your life, you lived the story that was extraordinary and bold and you lived like the superhero in a superhero movie. So all of that was playing in my mind. So worst case scenario is I get turned down and I crash and burn in front of all these people and it's a good story.

Andrew (45:08.972)
Yeah, yeah. It's great. And I love that line because it's ever since we first met as part of this group we're a part of. I have loved that line of yours, live a story we're telling. I've told my kids that and I've even at times recited that to myself as well because we all get uncomfortable. So and I'm human too.

people see things like rejection therapy, which by the way, if you haven't seen the rejection therapy, Ted talk, everyone out there, like you have to watch it. It's amazing. Amazing. It's like a hundred days of rejection or something. And other people have, have mimicked it. And I think he wasn't even the first person to do it. But the Ted talk is so amazing. And so people see that stuff and it sounds

great. Maybe they don't get moving with it. Like what it seems, I think, I think a smart person can look at that and say, man, that's awesome. Like that Greg did that. Of course he should go over there and, and, and talk to the girl. What's the worst that's going to happen? Blah, blah, blah. That's how people used to meet. Like, but at the same time, like most people out there saying that aren't

living boldly every day. They're not living a story we're telling. They're making eye contact with someone and they're rationalizing it away of like, well, like I got to do this thing or, she probably is not interested anyway or, like, you know what? Next time we're here in the, the, in the cafe, like then we will, we'll develop some rapport and then it'll be like more natural and like she'll get up to get something and I'll like bump, you know, whatever and make a joke and it'll be like some

fucking rom-com that like never happens. Like the bumping into like your magical person, like it just doesn't happen, right? It's like a one in a billion chance. Like you have to make stuff happen, but like how do people make more stuff happen, Greg? Tell us all.

Gregory Benedikt (47:14.274)
I love it so much. It's, being willing to endure 10 seconds of terrifyingly bold action for an outsized outcome. That's all it takes. And that's why I love bold action. That's why bold action has been the vehicle that I use with so many of my clients, but also with myself. Are you willing to get so uncomfortable for the next 10 seconds that anything might happen?

and your palms are going to be sweaty. You will absolutely sweat through your shirt. The amount of shirts I've sweat through on this journey is hilarious. I should have like a sponsorship with a laundry company at this point. That's all it takes. Like you don't have to be smart. You don't have to be witty. You don't have to be talented. You just have to move your body through space and time into a situation that's ridiculously uncomfortable and then open your mouth and make some sounds. And if you do that, my whole thesis is that

If you do that consistently, one, the universe is watching and two, the universe rewards bold action. So it loves when you do these things, when it's growth oriented. it doesn't love if you're taking a bold action to like rob a bank and hurt other people. has to be something that's positive for the world, but I just putting that caveat in there. magic happens. I see it all the time in my own life. I see it all the time in my clients' lives.

Like it's become a meme in my world that it just happens. Like it's just a fact now. You do the thing that you've been putting off for years and years and years. You don't even do the full thing. You just take one little baby micro step towards it and then you get a phone call or you meet someone the next day who's talking about the same thing that you were. It's this serendipity and synchronicity that comes from having the courage to take that.

small bold action and to get really uncomfortable for those 10 seconds.

Andrew (49:15.416)
So 10 seconds of terror every day. That's what people should aspire to. Maybe multiple times a day. I imagine you're doing it multiple times a day, but let's see if people can get their 10 seconds. This has been truly amazing, Greg. I can't thank you enough. I'm already ready to just keep talking and do this again, but you've left everyone with a ton of golden nuggets here or pearly.

So where can people find you and any last words for the audience?

Gregory Benedikt (49:52.364)
People can find me on LinkedIn is a great place. I do a lot of writing on there. Let's definitely put the Ted X in the show notes. And then we'll also include my website, which of course is my full name, Gregory Russell Benedict.com. You can join my newsletter. You can sign up for a workshop. There's many ways that we can get connected, but thank you for bringing me on today, Andrew. And thank you for the humor. I love, I love podcasts where we get a.

talk about mustaches and beards and just make jokes that no one else will like unless they're a dad. So I wish I'm not a dad, but when I become a dad, I will finally be funny.

Andrew (50:29.038)
There you go.

Andrew (50:34.874)
I was gonna say, I've come to the conclusion that dads just tell a lot of jokes. And a lot of jokes people tell are bad. So ergo, dad jokes. Like, I don't know. Anyway, this has been amazing again, Greg, and hope to talk soon, man.

Gregory Benedikt (50:54.658)
Sounds great. Thanks for having me on.